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before and after

There are moments in life where you start to separate periods with “before” and “after”.

I found this picture of me that andrea took “before”.
mcbyandrea.jpg

I miss my old life, i find it hard to be in between of all this, not set up, not feeling really at home or comfortable anywhere. I miss the streets of hamburg, the hafen, the elbe, my quiet and spacious flat, my bed there. I would give anything to be able to take a long bath, and then lay in my bed with my cats beside me for a short break, just for tonight…

I was there, i knew i would leave, and i tried to enjoy of everything as much as possible… how could all of this be over now? I guess i have one more of these moments… deep, down, under.

By m-c, July 31 2003 | Category: News | Comments Off 

Scrap series

I have added 8 new collages to the artwork section of my portfolio. They were done some months ago, around march i think, but i never got the time to put them online.

I still have more of this serie to come, one more thing on my todo list…

* new collages series Scrap 1 and 2

By m-c, July 31 2003 | Category: Projects | Comments Off 

lovely agata

Here’s a short post about a lovely discovery.

* http://agatha.prawda.org

Unfortunately the picture section is not up yet, but
the pictures taken for the site are wonderfull, totally
my taste i must say - cloudy.

By m-c, July 31 2003 | Category: Arts & Craft | Comments Off 

Published work

I just received the june and july issues of Skirt! featuring 2 of my pieces:

* Live out loud comic

* Nature (with a quote by Josephine Johnson: ‘Teach the legal rights of trees, the nobility of hills; respect the beauty of singularity, the value of solitude’)

My illustrations and comics will be featured in the magazine for the next year. Such a wonderful thing :)

By m-c, July 29 2003 | Category: Projects | 1 Comment 

a month after

Today has made 1 month. 1 month since i am here. It has seem much longer to me…

I am starting to figure out what is it to live with something that hurts inside. I can not recall that i have been hurt for such a long time. Some time its ok, and then the pain is there again. And i know that even if i am ok now, the pain will be back again. Strange thing to be alive and to live with an invisible scar, this huge wound inside of me which open and close all the time, but no one can see it.

I have been wondering the other day, while sitting in the subway, how would we look if we could see everyone’s wound?

I have mine, i live with it each day. I still cannot believe that i left the man i loved, my home, and everything else. But to think about it is so painful, and i have to think of the future, of my future… and let go of the past…

let go is such a hard thing… i once thought i knew how…

to trust day after day, with this wound in my chest.

I desesperately miss my cats, i still dont know when i will be able to have them with me. I am getting back on my feet and looking for work at the same time, trying to figure out where am i going.

I cant wait for the day when i will have my cats living with me again, you couldnt belive how i miss their companionship and unconditional love and affection. I hope soon they will be back with me.

By m-c, July 28 2003 | Category: News | 6 Comments 

3 New wallpapers

In the midst of constant ups and down i have managed to create 3 new wallpapers from my latest artworks ‘Hiver’, ‘Star2′ and ‘Light’.

I hope you will enjoy them as much as i enjoyed creating these pieces…

* wallpapers

By m-c, July 22 2003 | Category: Projects | Comments Off 

sketchbook

Today i felt in love with kevin cornell’s sketchbook.

Scratching pencil on paper is such a nice thing. Have to do more of that…

Site found on isotopelab’s ressource section.

By m-c, July 20 2003 | Category: Arts & Craft | Comments Off 

here i am

Sorry for not writing since a while, but you know why.

I wont add much details to what happen lately, but last week was really hard. I went down and thought i would never get up. This week was much better, having the goal to find work really helped me to find my way. I also met many friends, the weather is really nice, and i try to go out as much as i can.

I try to keep my mind focused on the next steps, but often i find myself thinking of my “old” life, my house, my cats, my boyfriend, and all the things i had, often things i miss now. I try to keep these thoughts away but they are there. It feel really strange to be living all that. I dont try to understand anything anymore, i just try to do my best and do what i think i should be doing. Im always afraid that the pain will show up and take control over me, and drag me down again…

I hope the best is to come, i hope i will find work easily. One thing i know is that i am happy to be here.

By m-c, July 18 2003 | Category: News | Comments Off 

Now

It is done. I dont know how, but i have made it. My head feels like switched off, i guess it is because of the too many events that are happening all at once. My body feel exhausted and tired, jetlagged.

But i am here. As i write it down i have problem realizing it, but it is real. It is too soon now to write anything else, i just live in the moment, minute by minute, that is all i can do. Thanks to my brother and his girlfriend who are taking good care of me and making it easier for me… I even found myself laughing yesterday, which is a good sign.

I will be writing more soon…

By m-c, July 1 2003 | Category: News | Comments Off 

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