Familiar grounds

Sitting at Cafe Gerbeau in Budapest. A short stop while i am trying to let my intuition guide me through the streets of this city i am into, with a small travel guide as my only ally.

I feel small and alone, but so far, i had only 20 minutes of homesickness, as planned. I am now learning to cope and accept this known but so often avoided feeling. I am also learning to be aware of the people placed on my path by the universe, and furthermore, learning to open myself to them, instead of shutting myself off as i always used to do.

I feel sorry that i did not acknowledge the traveling girl trying to help me at my arrival as i was waiting for my flat’s keys – she looked willing to help, and friendly, but i was so stressed out, i did not realize that the universe was sending me someone to give me a hand in my loneliness.

Same with the men renting me the flat, who’s also all there to help. I see this with eyes wide open – i am not at all alone, just on unfamiliar grounds, and that is what my travels are about: discovering myself in unfamiliar situations. I’ve been so used to close myself off from people, discarding them if they did not look familiar as friends or family.

I am here to explore the unfamiliar until i feel comfortable and secure in it’s harms. I am here to learn to open myself to people, to accept the inter-dependance between all of us, and stop aiming for self sufficiency at all time – this i tried for 34 years, and it ended up being a little boring, and overwhelming.

I must learn to let people be there for me, and myself be there for them.

Entry from Dec. 2th 2008, taken from my traveling journal.

Hello from Budapest

After spending some days in Salzburg, eating pastries and visiting a traditional hut-stop high in the mountains from which sliding down was like an adrenaline kick, i headed to Budapest where i have spent my first day walking around traditionnal coffee houses and enjoying myself.

The city remembers me of Paris, exept that there is no Marais. It remembers me of Berlin, except that there is nowhere a sign of the city inhabitant’s identity crisis.

I wish Budapest would have some of the artsy area which i most like about european cities, streets to wander around and look at artists work – jewelery, fashion, kiosks… Maybe i did not walked enough yet, but right now i miss the clash caused by the contrast of the old and the new, the visible mark left in between generations. This i have not seen yet, neither in people’s style and in the architecture. But again, there are still 3 days to this trip. Right now, i am enjoying myself in views which look like they could be taken out from Maira Kalman’s journal.